My Dearest Self,

This is, after all, a blog about me written by me. I am creative, caring, pretty intelligent, and well I'm not that bad to look at. However, there is something about myself that frustrates me and try as I might it is truly difficult to fix. You see...I have this problem with over thinking. This problem and my being somewhat emotional is not the best combination at times. I over analize things and in turn it makes me think something bad is always going to happen, like the sky is going to come crashing down on my head. Maybe its a touch of paranoia but there is a tiny voice whispering to me "something is going to happen", but what this something is I am not aware. It's as if some unseen evil is lurking in the shadows ready to snatch my happiness and haul ass at any moment. Why do I feel this way? I can honestly say that I am a lucky girl an somehow have been blessed with the kind of man that women want. A man that is strong and protective, always opens my car door, makes me laugh, thinks I'm beautiful when my hair is messy and I just woke up, brings me coffee in bed, holds my hand when we are riding in the car, and his kisses I can't seem to get enough of. He's my best friend, my lover, my husband.  He makes me smile and feel so loved. On days when something seems to be bothering him my "paranoia" kicks in to high-gear and I start thinking the worst. I start thinking that maybe its me...maybe he isn't happy with me....and of course my little paranoid self starts glancing towards the ceiling checking for cracks and waiting for it to start crumbling. It is also on these days that I drive him mad, "are you okay?" I ask him this enough times that he finally snaps and isn't okay because my own doom-filled imagination has turned me into a paranoid, spastic, psycho that is either going to cry or get pissed for no good viable reason. How is he capable of putting up with me sometimes I wonder. Hell, I get on my own nerves so often and really don't like having to spend time with myself so why would he. This is something I have to get a grip on, I have to stop always expecting the worst or else one day that is all that I'm going to get. In my 29 years as an occupant of this planet I have made my fair share of dumb decisions, have been broken, and have regained my strength and when something worth holding on to comes along, I'll be damned if I'm just going to push it away. My biggest enemy is myself, my ability to over analyze and see darkness in every situation. Along with working on building up a higher self-esteem and fitting in to a smaller size...I have to gain control of my bad traits and unwind myself some. I have to stop worrying constantly and start realizing that what I do have is something that should be cherished and taken the best of care of. My moods and paranoid behavior does not just effect myself but the person who I have made a life with and deserves nothing but the best from me. I'll never be perfect but perfection is not what I am striving for, just peace with my own true self and the rest of my years filled with happiness.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep..

I have come to realize that I am a complete candy-ass at times...okay most of the time...but especially when I'm home alone at night. What is it about the dissappearance of sunlight that makes the view from my windows so damn creepy? Nor does it help a single bit that Juno, our brainless wonder Plott Hound mix, gains courage after sun down and likes to walk around the house growling at unseen objects. So with a nice big filet knife on my nightstand, I'm now laying in bed awaiting the arrival of all the things that go bump in the night. How sad am I that I walked around our house 3 times checking all the doors (knife in hand...just in case) before I even made up my mind to crawl in bed. About a month or so ago I had a nightmare about some big scary guy in our walk-in closet that stabbed me....so now that closet is a freakish dark room that should be avoided any time after the sun sets and Jeremy is not home to rescue me. See I told yall I was a candy-ass. Another thing that doesn't help are all the mice running about this house like they have discovered their own version of mousey paradise. I'm sure for those of you that do not live in a home surrounded by fields getting the occasional mouse in your dwelling is just a rude annoyance until you can scoop the little bugger up and toss him back outdoors. ....Not so in the case of our house. Seriously yall it sounds more like possums running around in our vents and gnawing at only god knows what up in the ceiling. Multiply those sounds with said darkness and this all equals up to a damn good probability of me not going to sleep any time soon. For those individuals out in society that I may come in contact tomorrow, don't be alarmed if I look crazy and have a bad attitude, I'll be running on little to no beauty rest (and trust me I do need that beauty sleep) and I am currently out of coffee....OOOH Monday you should be fun.

I Owe! I Owe! So Off to Work I Go!

It's official, I am once again a working girl (the kind that works during the daytime Not to be confused with the scantily clad ladies of the night decorating street corners world wide) Yes...as of 8:30am this very day I walked through the doors of a local Medical Supply facility dressed in my "business casual" attire and begin my first day of training. After several months of being unemployed and graciously doing my part as a Domestic Engineer in our humble home, I must say that it feels strange yet invigorating to have a job to go to again. Afterall, is this not the whole point in going to college and working on a degree in medical office administrations? (okay so I've yet to complete the degree but it is on my to do list before I turn 32...but the thus far completed classes will help out marvelously) Now the trick is going to be how to stay away during the training that is involved. My best solution so far I think is turbo-charged coffee in fairly large amounts from Dunkin Donuts (by all means google you have my permission to plaster my blog with delicous, yummy, DD ads :) However, on a happy note, I will take it as a compliment that my new office manager kept looking at me when referencing "younger folks" during orientation today. So here's a free beauty tip ladies **Cheap Ass Coccoa Butter Lotion! yeah...that stuff that's around $2.00 for a gigantic bottle and will last you at least 2 years, go out and buy you a bottle of it right NOW and slather it on your face before bed everynight...the results are amazing**

Yet Another Happy New Year Blog

As pretty much every blogger will do today I'm now sitting here with my computer posting a "New Year" blog.  I'm wondering who's idea was it to start out the first day of a brand new year with a hangover? Seriously though, how is going through the day with a nasty headache, puffy eyes, and being cranky going to start my year off on the right foot? Or what prompted the tradition of kissing at the stroke of midnight...though this proves to be quite entertaining as desperate women scramble to latch on to any available man within arms length and ram her tongue down his throat. Lucky for me I had my very own partner to swap slobber with, yet another perk to married life. Now on to the whole Sha-Bang of Resolutions. ..Ahhh Resolutions. How many times have I uttered the words "this year I'm going to lose weight, be a nicer person, spend less money on shoes" Okay...at least the spending money on shoes part we have taken care of, being a nicer person..I've come to grips with the fact that I can be a total bitch and I'm okay with that. The weight loss thing, probably the number one resolution for people all across the world. It is this time of year that I would so love to create some sort of trendy diet plan to market, or be the owner of a gym and sit back and watch as folks pour money into my account as they set forth to conquer that resolution..only to slowly creep back into their bad habits by the time Valentines Day rolls around. What can I say, I'm guilty of this as well. This year though is different. I'm pissed off, at myself that is, for not taking better care of myself over the years. So instead of setting a "resolution" I'm just going to give myself an ultimatum. By the time April 18 gets here...D Day...the day I hit the 3-0 I shall have lost at least 15lbs. I haven't quite figured out how I'll punish myself if I don't reach this goal, maybe take coffee away? Though Kim with no coffee pumping through her veins is not a pleasant experience for ANYBODY. But I'm determined to do this. I'm simply tired of hearing myself bitch about how my thighs jiggle, or how much bounce I have in my booty...and the only person that can change this is me. So I will plunge forward in to 2011 with my ultimatun in order to shut myself up about my damn weight already . ......and speaking of shutting myself up....

As my wonderfully handsome observant husband just pointed out, I must correct myself about my hate towards Fritos. So to you...The makers of these salted, pungent smelling, corn crunchy snacks...I apologize for the years of nasty comments I have made about you. On December 31, 2010, I Kimberly Byars, bravely sampled your product in a bowl of homemade chili. Though, I can honestly admit, I will never "Crave" Fritos..it wasn't as vomit inducing as I remembered. Now....on to the rest of my day.

..and on This Day

The last day of yet another year. Here I sit (still in my Pj's) typing my very first blog post. I'm Kimberly, I'm nobody special. I'm just another woman who'd like to lose a few pounds and enjoys the simple things in life such as a new pair of snazzy high heels and a ice cold beer. I've been meaning to start a blog for some time now, not sure why, I just felt compelled to write. My husband Jeremy, who's also my best friend, kept telling me..."if you wanna do it then just do it already", so I did. I'm not sure if anybody will ever read this, but if somebody should stumble across this one day I'll go ahead and apologize in advance for language that may offend you, Hey...never said I had the mouth of a HallMark card. I'm not a perfect person but really who is? I'm sure even Mother Theresa let some ear splitting farts go when she thought she was all alone.

So now I have this blog and throughout the new year I will be on here typing til I'm content. I'm hoping to accomplish finally feeling comfortable in my own skin this year, especially important to me since I will also be leaving my 20's come April. I'd love for us to move out of our current structure we call "home". Way out here on the outskirts of a small town, we are in the crosswinds of the local landfill and a paper factory. On any given day we can walk outside and though the view is pretty, the air smells of burnt Fritos and feet....now doesn't that sound pleasant? We don't have much in this life, especially when it comes to money or material things...but who knows, maybe that will improve in the new year as well. At least for now being as broke as we are definately keeps us from being an easy target to rob!